We had to make the difficult and gutwrenching decision to let Charley go on December 5, 2018. I wrote this letter a few days before.

Charley, you have been my faithful companion for over fifteen years. The moment I met you, when your daddy brought you home…I fell in love with you. I remember crying tears of joy.

Your Dad got lost trying to find the family we were adopting you from. He came home a couple of hours late. I remember sitting at the window with your big sister, Cinder, waiting so impatiently for you.

And running out the door to meet you, grab you, hold you up and I cried.

We had no idea you were only four weeks old and didn’t have any teeth. I remember the sleepless nights the first few weeks. How I had to bottle feed you and turn your puppy food into mush with goat’s milk. And how sick you were.

I remember always joking with your Dad that you were my dog, that I loved you more. But through these last couple of years…I know in my heart, that it was just a dumb joke. He loves you just as much as me.

I know this because when you were diagnosed with diabetes last year, he gave you your first insulin shot and every single one since that day even though he has an immense fear of needles. I know this because he has taken such good care of you. And I know his heart is breaking too.

You’re the first dog I raised from puppyhood to an adult and in a lot of ways, you’re the dog I was trying to take care of to make up for the dog I lost as a little girl named Morgan.

But you have become more than that because one dog doesn’t ever replace another. I was 23 when we adopted you and now I’m 38, I feel like we grew up together.

You were an only dog for four years when we had to say good bye to your sister, Cinder. Our hearts were broken when we had to make that hard decision. You allowed us to love on you so much and gave us much comic relief by stealing towels and a little seedling that we were trying to plant on Earth Day. Those trees are huge now. I’ll always think of you both when I look at those trees.

And when we adopted Angel, you took her in as your little sister. You played with her. You let her take your toys out of your mouth. You looked at us when she would steal your bed. But most importantly, you adored each other.

My heart breaks because we won’t be able to tell her that you’re going to be pain-free. That you need to leave us now. I wish I could tell you so you could understand how much my heart hurts. That you’re not a burden and I don’t want you to be in pain any longer.

I have gone through so many tissues and cried so many tears in your fur, Charley. You probably are thinking, what is up with my mama?

It’s hard to put into words, how much you mean to me. We did obedience classes together when you were a puppy and we did agility classes. Do you remember those? You were probably one of the worst agility class students but we had fun!

When you were five, we were so worried because you lost almost 16 pounds and we didn’t know what was wrong. Turned out you had a pancreatic condition (called exocrine pancreatic insufficiency) that didn’t allow you to digest your own food. Which started us down a road of a lot of medication.

Over the years, you weathered hip surgery, back surgery and another hip surgery. This year, it was dental surgery to remove a thankfully benign mass and you even survived cancer earlier this year.

You are such a strong dog. You took it all like a champ. No matter what, you always smiled. You always gave us and your vet techs kisses.

You’re the only dog I have ever know to warn us when you need to throw up, if we didn’t take you outside, it was our own fault. And the only dog I have ever known to love going to the vet.

I still can’t imagine life without you and in some ways, I think it’s so hard to say good bye to you because we have done this before. We have had to make this hard decision before. I’m imagining the grief that I know I can’t imagine.

I know it’s not right but I’m mourning you before you’re gone and that’s not fair to you.

I’m also irrational and I keep thinking that you were robbed. You have been through so much and I just want more time.

More time to pet your soft fur, more time to hold you and kiss you. More time to take you on car rides and walks.

But it’s not fair to you. Your body is giving out and I know you’re tired. You have been tired for a while.

I don’t know how to end this letter except to say I love you more than you’ll ever know.

The post A Love Letter to My Dog appeared first on The Little Kitchen.

1. RIP Prince
   Miss Prince as I called her or Princess as our vet would call her…passed away on February 22nd. We had to make the difficult choice to let her go because she was so sick.

   Over four and a half years ago, my sister asked us to take Prince in and we said yes. Over the years, it's been stressful because she's been sick off and on and I'll tell you we almost lost her a few times but she is/was a fighter. (I'm still finding it really really hard to talk about Prince in the past tense.)

   

   Sometimes, it was really hard to care for Prince. She was a mean kitty sometimes…I'm kind of smiling about this right now because when she was done with you, she would let you know. But she loved to sleep on my stomach while I lay on the couch watching tv after dinner. She always tried to steal the bacon off my plate and she loved chicken as evidenced from this photo from a few years ago.

   She greeted you at the door along with the dogs and she loved to meet new visitors. Everyone who met her loved her…and we would often say but once she gets comfortable with you, she lets you know how it is.

   For a long time, I would call her my sister's cat and after a while, I called her our cat. She was a part of my family and still a part of my sister's family. I won't say it was entirely easy caring for a cat in older age that we didn't originally adopt as a kitten but we don't regret one moment.

   

   I do have to admit…and I kind of feel dumb for feeling this way, I didn't realize how much the loss of Prince would affect me so much. It's kind of stupid to think that I wouldn't be as sad as I was when we had to make the decision to say good bye to our dog, Cinder, almost eight years ago and our cat, Roswell, who passed away almost six years ago. The same thing happened this time, I haven't had much of an appetite and my energy level is a lot lower. I was telling a friend the other day, just because you have been through the grieving process before, it doesn't mean you can take a shortcut on it this time.

   And just because you don't pick them, it doesn't mean they don't leave an imprint on your heart. We are so very glad that we could take care of Prince for the last four and a half years and do take some comfort in the fact that she is no longer in pain.

   But we still miss her terribly and I know it will take time before the tears are replaced with smiles. In the meantime, we're giving a lot of love to Clone, Charley and Angel right now.

   Vets and petowners will tell you that you just know when the time is right, you just know when the time comes when you have to say good bye and do the humane thing to end their suffering. The morning of Feb. 22nd, Curtis woke me up and said it's time. I knew in my heart that he was right. I texted my sister and she immediately texted me back saying she would take the day off and come over. She came over to spend time with her and she went with us to the vet.

   It's a strange thing, I had a realization that she has been ours and hers that day and I am grateful my sister was able to see her one more time and be there with her and with us at the end.

   I know for some petowners, it's really really hard to be in the room at the end. But we firmly believe that we need to be there…so they can feel the love and so that the last thing they see is someone who loves them. I would never want them to be scared and alone without a familiar face…I'm sorry if you disagree but I think it's cowardice to leave them and not be there with them at the very end. It's the least we can do for the love we receive from them.

   Rest in peace, sweet Prince.



2. When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi

   I'm pretty much telling anyone who will listen…READ THIS BOOK. Honestly, if it's the only book you read in 2016, let it be this book.

   It's a memoir written by a neurosurgeon, he's in his last year of his residency at Stanford University and he is diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer. His writing is amazing and I can't even begin to tell you how much this book has changed my thinking on so many things.

   He wrote the book in the last 18 months of his life and I can't help but think about what he else he would have given the world had he survived his cancer. He passed away last March and the book was just published in October 2015. My friend, who is a doctor, shared about this book on facebook and I'm so glad I bought it and read it!

   How he looks at life, death and his patients and the words he gave us, such a gift. I don't want to be super annoying but seriously, read this book!

   It's a quick read, a lot of people said they finished it in one day because they couldn't put it down. I read it in 3 days. You should totally check this op-ed he wrote in the New York Times and definitely watch this interview of his wife, Dr. Lucy Kalanithi by Katie Couric.

source

3. Have Courage and Be Kind

   This quotation from the live action version of Cinderella the movie has stuck with me for a long time. I feel like it needs to no other explanation.

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You guysssss…Angel turned 4 yesterday! I sound like a major sap but I can't believe it! We adopted her in March 2012 and honestly can't imagine life without her.

Photo by Mikkel Paige

(Photo above is from a couple of years ago.) She's the apple of our eye, completely spoiled, fiercely independent but at the same totally loves her big brother and looks up to him.

Okay's my list for this week…

1. 

   Worn on TV

   So I love the show Supergirl…it took me a while to get into it but I'm obsessed. I think I got Curtis into it too! Hehe Anyways, Kara Danvers (Supergirl's alter ego) wears the cutest clothes and I was searching on the internet how to try to figure out where they buy the clothes for her character, I happened upon this amazing site called Worn on TV. It's awesome!! Linda Wilks, who runs the site, works really hard to find where to buy the clothes from a ton of tv shows!

2. 

   Girl Scout Cookies

   Yep, I bought a few! It's cookie buying season!! What are your favorites?

3. I deleted the facebook app from my phone and why you should too

   Obviously do what you want but if you're like me, checking facebook constantly. Checking email and instagram and then checking facebook over and over and over again every day. I couldn't even count how many times a day. Deleting the facebook app from my phone and doing the following helped me take my day back and make my day more productive!

   I deleted the facebook app from my phone. I still have the Pages (Android), Groups (Android) and Messenger (Android) apps from facebook because I need the Pages and Groups apps to do work. Messenger I use sparingly and I can share from my page to groups which is fantastic.

   One more thing I did on my computer, I logout of facebook. So throughout my day before, in between tasks or to distract myself, I would open a new tab and get lost on facebook. I would look at the clock and 30 minutes had passed. Mindlessly checking. And for what? I was looking. at. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

   Don't get me wrong, I love facebook as a way to see what my friends are doing and catch up but I was wasting too much time on it.

   Now when I open a new tab in my browser and bring up facebook…I have to choose to login. I only visit facebook to get work done, schedule posts for my business page for TLK and then check my notifications and try to immediately logout. I spend 5 to 10 minutes tops in there. Over and out.

   My days are more productive and I don't even feel like I'm missing out on anything. And now, when I open a new tab to visit facebook and I don't have a reason, I catch myself, say dang it! and then close the tab and get back to work. Try it and let me know what you think!

4. Crate and Barrel YELLOW

   

   Have you noticed that The Little Kitchen has a brand spankin' new look? Thanks to Purr Design…it's beautiful, isn't it? We have the same blue you're used to with accents of YELLOW. My other favorite color.

   Crate and Barrel recently sent me an email about new products and there are a ton of yellow things. I want all the yellow things…AREN'T THESE SO CUTE? Sorry for the yelling. I told myself I wouldn't add more to my kitchen or my prop closet but they are making it so hard to resist.

   Yellow Dip Mixing Bowl with Spout // Yellow Measuring Spoons Set of 5
   Bumble Bee Pot Holder // Yellow Pepper Baking Dish
   Set of 2 Yellow Scalloped Mixing Bowls // Sunny Side Up Dish Towel



5. this is so much

“The less you respond to negative people, the more peaceful your life will become.” via lifehack

I can't even say enough times to myself and to you. I have been dealing with some negativity recently and I just had to cut out the culprits. And it feels good to not have to explain myself and to not have to deal with the negative people. Just say you're done. “I'm done.”

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1. Angel in a cat bed —– this was so funny and cute. When Prince, our cat, was really really sick that she was hospitalized, Curtis wanted to make sure she was more comfortable so he put these beach towels on her bed. And what did Angel do? She climbed into the cat bed. After a couple of nights of shoving her 35 pound body into a small cat bed…we realized why…she was doing this.

Photo of Angel from 2012

When we first adopted Angel, Curtis was remodeling a spare bedroom and turning it into an office for me. I was telecommuting from our dining table and she liked to stay near me. She took to peeing in her sleep (poor girl) when she was a pup so we put a beach towel down and she would sleep on them. I guess they became her security blankets, those beach towels. So now, we put a towel on her bed and have one of the couch just for her.

2. Not something I love but I pinched a nerve in my neck again. It happened 3 years ago. When I went to look back, I didn't realize it was around the holidays last time too. I couldn't move my neck or lift up my left arm and my right hand would go numb occasionally. Anyways, it was miserable. I got myself to urgent care as quickly as I could.

I have also had this allergy? cough for months and was prescribed steroids a few times last year. When I went to the doctor over the holidays, I was once again given steroids and muscle relaxers. I am swearing off steroids, you guys. Have you been on them before? It was completely miserable. While they helped my neck, I was all over the place, couldn't sleep and when I got off of them, I just wanted to lay on the couch and binge watch everything. I rewatched the Sherlock BBC series on Netflix. I watched Master of None (you have to check out both of those shows!) I didn't want to do anything.

I think something was really wrong because instead of giving me a course of steroids that tapered off, the doctor had me take 40mg for 5 days and then nothing for 4 days and then 40mg again. Anyways, on New Year's Day, I was feeling so off…so badly, I couldn't call the doctor so I just tapered myself off. Instead of taking 40mg for 5 full days, I took 40mg, then 20mg then 10mg, 5mg and then half that on the last day. I didn't want that crash again…after reading about the horrible side effects online and the withdrawal side effects…which described exactly how I was feeling. I need to see my regular doctor on exercises and stretches I can do to make sure the pain in my neck (haha) doesn't come back again.

Let me know if you have ideas…experience with any of this! I'm open to anything!

3. Charlie cookie jar – I recently broke my cookie jar…it was a sad day. I had to get another one of course!

4. Kate Spade mugs at Macys – aren't these mugs the cutest?????? I want them all!

5. Have you seen Star Wars: The Force Awakens yet? (We have!!! Curtis and I loved it!) Curtis is obsessed with these books…he has all of them except for Rey's Survival Guide, it's in our amazon shopping cart right now! He won't stop talking about them!

Star Wars: The Force Awakens: Rey's Survival Guide (Replica Journal)
Star Wars: The Force Awakens Visual Dictionary
Star Wars: The Force Awakens Incredible Cross-Sections
The Art of Star Wars: The Force Awakens

And he's already preordered the new movie…because you always get the lowest price between the time you preorder and when it ships…I love that!

6. Speaking of books and reading. I'm making a point to read more this year…going to try to read at least 20 books this year!

I loved reading when I was a child…in the 5th grade, I read like 150 books! I only know because our teacher had us keep a running list of the books we read. At my local library, all of the librarians knew me and always let me check out more than the 10 book maximum. As I got older, I read less and less and I miss reading. I would love your book recommendations!

I read books via the iBooks app on my iPhone and after watching all of those Sherlock episodes, I decided I wanted to read Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's original Sherlock novels. I found them on my iBooks for free because they are in the public domain! I'm sure there are a ton of other books for free like this too!

7. App you should check out! It's called headspace and it was in my starbucks app as a free download recently. Love it…great relaxation techniques for every day stresses. Curtis loves it too!

(iPhone app//Android app)

8. I'm obsessed with freezing cookie dough and other things like roasted garlic (check out my how to on The Pionneer Woman).

I love having cookie dough at the ready for cravings but also when I want to bake some up as a thank you for a friend!

9. Chocolate!!! I recently went to the Ganachery at Disney Springs…LOVE it! It's a small store but they make all of their chocolates right there on-site and it's amazing!

10. A sneak peek…on the new look for The Little Kitchen!! What do you think?

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First, I have to say THANK YOU to the amazing response I got from my questions and needing advice on Charley's food on my last puppy love post. We started him on Taste of the Wild as a lot of you have recommended and in some ways he's doing much better. Just a little bit itchy still but a lot of things have been resolved. We're slowly moving Angel to that food too. Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart. You guys are the best!

This little girl, Angel, makes me smile sooo big. She's just a teeny bit spoiled by the way!

I was doing so well for a little while walking 3 miles a few days a week but I kind of dropped off the wagon…when I get from my latest trip, I'm going to start my morning routines off with my walks again. Do you have a work out routine?

I got new glasses…finally! I wear them more often now because the glasses are so much lighter than my last pair!

I recently took a trip to Oklahoma for Land O'Lakes…love these lovely ladies!! Brenda, Tiffany and Joanne.

We visited Ree on her ranch and had a blast! Ree and Becky from the LOL Test Kitchens, are truly awesome people to work with! <3

I still am so floored by such a personal and thoughtful gift from Ree! Cowgirl boots! When I put them on, I said “I never knew that I was a cowgirl!” for the butter love and for the blue boots–my favorite color! Thank you again, Ree! @thepioneerwoman & @landolakesktchn working with you all is a dream! #kitchenconvo #tlk

A photo posted by Julie Deily (@thelittlekitchn) on Apr 29, 2015 at 5:26am PDT

And she got us boots, such an amazing gift!

A couple of weeks ago, I attended the NATJA conference in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. I had an amazing time and met some amazing travel writers including Brooke and Doug.

We had so many margaritas…they were amazing. In the back was a cucumber margarita, the pink ones were guava and the ones on the right were passion fruit!

We had this amazing six course meal at La Leche. I highly recommend this place.

We had an asparagus risotto with grilled octopus for one of the courses. It was the best octopus I have ever had…not chewy at all!

I met Andrew McCarthy of Mannequin (and so much more) fame. He was super nice and gave a great keynote address. I'll share more about what he spoke about in a future post!

I met a lot of dogs. Haha…of course right? This dog's name is Chanel and she took a liking to me. I tried to just get a photo of her and she came coming to sit next to me.

I also stayed in Riviera Nayarit…

where we had margaritas and lunch on the beach!

It's been a busy month, after I came home from Mexico, I took a macaron baking class at Truffles and Trifles

I highly recommend it! I was scared to try these and now I can't wait to try them at home!

If it turns out well, I might be sharing a recipe or two on the blog here.

I recently received this amazing gift box at the amazing people at Tieks. I have received gift cards from them in the past for shoes and I love them so much, I have purchased two pairs on my own. They are super comfy and I lately I have been packing at least 2 or 3 pairs when I go on a trip. They fold and are packable and are super convenient…and are really comfy to walk in!

And recently, I reviewed the LG G4, you should check out my review…I'm in love with this phone!

I'm actually getting ready to embark on a 7-Day Princess cruise to Alaska…I'm so excited! It's our first cruise and I kind of have no idea what to expect…but I'm so thrilled to get to share this experience with Curtis. I will be sharing on instagram, facebook and twitter. Be sure to follow along!

This was Charley and Angel a couple of days ago, chillin' on one dog bed together. I have to tell you, it was so hard to leave them yesterday. We have a petsitter staying with them at our house and we know they are in good hands but gosh, we still miss them and the cats so hard! Do you feel the same way when you go off on vacation?

Check out our other puppy love posts!

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1. Oh Charley…lately. He's been doing good and then not so good. Recently, we put him on steroids because he's so itchy and has hives! Then, he had a bad reaction to the steroids. We don't have him quite 100% but we're getting there. We are actually switching foods for him…he has a pancreatic condition called EPI (Exocrine Pancreatic Insufficiency). His pancreas doesn't make the necessary enzymes to digest his food so we are always watching him and his weight. He requires about 24 tablets a day which he gets with his food…feeding time is interesting in our house. I would love to hear if you have a hypoallergenic or low grain or grain-free food that you like for your dog!

I was taking pictures of him the other day…

And I kept saying, Charley, look at me.

Look at me…

Kinda sorta got it.

2. Apps I'm loving lately // iOS Apps that is…

Snapseed — Google just revamped their whole photo editing app and it takes a little bit to get used to but I love it. I love the Glamour Glow filter! The only thing I wish it had was a feature to bring in multiple photos like you can in Camera+. That way if I'm editing multiple photos in one sitting, I don't have to keep going to my Camera Roll to retrieve them.

Day One – a great journaling app…I'm in love. I downloaded it as a freebie from my Starbucks app. If you have the SB app, you can get it for free (until April 30th)! It creates a little timeline from your journal entries. You can attach images to your journal entries too. I am starting a gratitude journal and trying to record my triumphs and what I'm thankful for and this app will be so useful!

Other apps I can't live without — UPS and FedEx – register for accounts and verify your address and you'll get alerts when packages are headed your way. You can reroute them, track them…it's pretty neat! Only thing is, no one can send a surprise package to you anymore…you get alerted to boxes on their way to you. Several times now, I have been alerted to delays or problems with shipments before the sender was even alerted.

3. Fave Snack Lately…

Blue Diamond Almonds with Wasabi and Soy Sauce flavor…it's my obsession right now.

4. Netflix…

Have you seen Derek on Netflix, if you haven't you need to watch it. There are two seasons and Netflix just released an hour-long special that's pretty much the series finale (I believe). It's hilarious, crass, heartwarming and poignant…all at the same time. I can't recommend this series enough.

There's a great quotation from Ricky Gervais' Derek character that keeps staying with me since we watched it this week: “If you want happiness for a lifetime, help other people.” I love that.

5. I want…

Last month I attended the Global Pet Expo, the pet industry's largest trade show. I got to see some fun new products. And forgive me, I was playing around with the Aviary editing app, that's why you little fun graphics on the photos.

Thissss Pod Tracker, look how small it is. The smallest pet tracker and it also tracks their steps. A fitbit for pets. I really want to get my hands on one of these and try it out. There were a ton of pet trackers on display at the expo and I love that there's so much new technology for petowners.

New soft collars and leashes from Coastal Pet. Our dogs have a signature color, Cinder's was red. Charley's is purple, Angel is yellow.

I really like these new leashes (I find cotton web is so much easier on your hands when walking them than nylon) so I ordered the purple one on Amazon and we love it!

How cute are these pet placemats from Buddy Line? They are so cute. There's a huge push with products that look cool and modern so our pet products match our home decor…I love what I'm seeing!

6. #thelittlekitchenrecipes on Instagram

I seriously love seeing your photos of TLK recipes online. I'm going to try to feature a different photo on my instagram account every Saturday! So feel free to post them using the #thelittlekitchenrecipes hashtag or you can email them to me! julie@thelittlekitchen.net — be sure to leave your instagram account name too so I can @ mention you. <3 you guys!

// Disclosure: There is an affiliate link in this post. I was given a media pass to Global Pet Expo. I was not required to write about it, all opinions are my own. //

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